Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Her smile...






I want to tell the story of Tara's smile. When I was pregnant with her, I went in for an ultrasound somewhere around 7(ish) months. The ultrasound tech was moving the device around, when we heard her gasp and then say "aww...". She pointed to the screen, and there was Tara; with a gigantic smile on her face. She said "She knows her mommy's voice!" It melted my heart, and made me fall in love with her even more! The tech said that she'd never seen such a happy fetus, and it blew her mind that a child could be that happy even before being born. She wanted to test her theory that Tara smiled every time she heard my voice; so she asked me to talk to Tara. When I was silent, she would just roll around and do her own thing. But every time I spoke, whether to her, or someone else in the room; this beautiful smile would come across her face. It was a big ear to ear grin, and it made me cry every time. When the ultrasound was over, I was led to the exam room to wait for my OB. She came in, and immediately said "You have one happy little girl!" It made me so proud, knowing that Tara was happy in there. She was already bringing so much joy to the world, just by a simple yet extraordinary smile. Each ultrasound throughout the rest of the pregnancy, the same thing occured. Giant smiles the whole way through. It made it all that much harder to wait until the birth, we wanted to meet her SO bad!


When Tara was born, that first time she fell asleep in my arms; we saw that gorgeous smile that had entered our dreams; and filled every waking moment with anticipation of meeting this amazing little girl. It surpassed everything we thought it would be in person, and made our hearts knit together in love for this little angel. During the first months she was with us, her daddy and I spent so much time just watching her sleep. Our hearts would burn with love for her, and we would wonder how we got so lucky. This went on for months, watching her smile in her sleep. When she was awake, and would give us that enrapturing grin; her eyes would sparkle with joy. We hoped it would never end...

This last April, we were finally able to move our little family into a two bedroom apartment (YAY!!!). Tara was nine months old, and finally had her own room. Watching our little one sleep became more rare. Around her first birthday, I happened to pass by her bedroom one afternoon while she was napping. I noticed I had left the door open a crack, so I snuck in and watched her for a moment. My heart almost exploded when I realized that she still smiles in her sleep the SAME way she did when she was a newborn! The tender mercies of the Lord...

This morning, about an hour ago; I laid her down for her first nap of the day. As I was rocking her, I realized it was no ordinary thing. It was one of those moments that take your breath away. She wasn't acting like our sassy little toddler this morning. For those moments that I was rocking her to sleep, she reminded me of how it was when she was a newborn. Her face was void of her normal funny expressions, she wasn't jabbering on as she's prone to do (she likes to tell stories), and she wasn't shaking her head "no" as I offered her her sippy. Instead, her eyes were filled with that wonder of a tiny babe; awestruck by the look of mommy's face. Her mouth was in the shape of an "O", with the corners slightly upturned forming a faint smile. She was gazing at me, in absolute silence; eyes locked on mine. She would break the gaze for a moment, just so she could turn into me and look away shyly. Then she'd come back, and start gazing at me again; and she couldn't stop smiling at me! It was so unbelievably adorable how she would go from a slight grin into a full fledged ear to ear smile, as if she couldn't contain her happiness. This went on for about fifteen minutes, eyelids getting increasingly more droopy; until she finally crashed with a big grin painted on her face. As I laid her down, I thanked Heavenly Father for such a beautiful child; and for loving us enough to allow her to come into our lives. It amazes me contstantly, how blessed we are. His love for us is apparent in moments like that...

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