Do I know her, or what?

So yesterday morning as I was showering, and getting ready for the day; Sean and Tara were hanging out together. When I stepped out of the bathroom, I passed by Tara's room, and heard her playing with her blinds (which she knows is a "no no." I located Sean, not far away, and he was examining a piece of mail from the previous day. I smiled, and asked him if he knew what our daughter was up to, and he said "She's just playing in her room." I told him that her door was shut, and that she was playing with her blinds, and that he might want to check on her. He insisted she wasn't playing with her blinds, and that he would hear it if she was. I told him "Our little girl is indeed playing with her blinds. That's why her door is shut, so you wouldn't see. She has a good sense of what's okay to play with, and what's off limits. Guaranteed, she'll come running out of her bedroom any moment now, to TELL you that she was playing with her blinds. Trust me on this one!" Just as I said that, right on cue-Tara comes running out of her bedroom, and barrels right into my legs. She looks up and says "I was playing with my blinds." Sean and I busted up laughing, and there was no need to say "See?" It was too funny...That girl cracks me up!

Sean proposed again...

So I've always known that Sean is a hopeless romantic. He even warned me about that from one of his first emails to me (since we met online). Yet he completely took me by surprise today, and did something totally unexpected. He had come home from work, and I was playing with Tara in her room. He and I got to talking about our day, and he played with Tara a bit. Then he got down on one knee, and had the same look in his eye as the day he proposed to me. I got nervous, not sure what he was up to :) He had removed my engagement ring and wedding band from my finger, and was clutching them tightly. Then he proceeded to explain that he knew this was something that people usually save until a ten year renewal of vows or something, but that he couldn't wait...Then he started to say some of the sweetest things, telling me how happy he is with me, and our life together. How happy he is with our little girl, and that he wouldn't have his life any other way. He told me how grateful he was that I was his eternal companion, and then he asked again; if I would spend the rest of eternity with him as his best friend and wife. I started crying as I saw the tears in his eyes, and responded the same way I did the first time he proposed and said "Of course!"

Oh my goodness...is there a sweeter man on this planet??? My heart is so full, because he is such an angel. I love this man...

Christmas 2010

So a couple of weeks before christmas, Sean and Tara flew to Idaho to see his side of the family. They had an early christmas, and it was nice for the girls to be able to share that together. I was sad not to be able to go, but they had a great time. Unfortunately, we only have one photo from that trip; and it's of Tara with her cousin Rylee. They're in the matching christmas dresses that Sean's mom bought for them. SO adorable!



Once they returned, we spent christmas morning at my moms. Here are a few select photos, including ones of my little brother proposing to his then girlfriend (now fiance) Cheyenne. It brought tears to our eyes!









Tara with her uncle Josh :)

Tara with the Elmo airplane from mommy and daddy. She loves that thing...


There's grandma Laurie, Aunt Cheyenne, and Tara :)


And there's my little brother in action!






The newly engaged couple!



Later on that day, our friend Rachel got baptized. What an amazing way to spend christmas day...

SNOW DAY!!!

So as all of you know, Eugene woke up to some snow on tuesday morning. Before Sean even left for work, we were enjoying the beautiful view from our back patio. Seeing the church building covered in snow was extraordinary... It was exciting for me, because I knew how much Tara would love it. The last (and only) time she saw snow was when she was 5 months old, and we spent christmas in Idaho with Sean's family. She was too young to remember, so I began planning a snow day for her. As soon as Tara woke up, I took her to a window to show her the snow. She actually said "wow" when she saw it! She couldn't get enough of it, and kept wanting to look out the window the rest of the day. I left her bedroom door open the rest of the day, because she kept running into her room, climbing up on her chair near the window, and just staring outside :) It was the cutest thing ever! She'd come out momentarily, just to run back into her room. I was dying to take her out in it, but I was busy making and frosting some brownies that I was going to be running over to both Brittany, and Heidi's homes. They both live just around the corner, and I was going to make it a quick trip. So once I was done making the brownies, I bundled Tara up; and we headed out. All morning long, I had been trying to teach her what the white stuff coming from the sky was called. I kept saying the word snow, and she must have caught on quicker than I realized! As we were heading down towards Brittany's, Tara kept pointing at the snow-covered cars and bushes, and saying "Snow!" Given, half the time it came out sounding like "Shnow". It was still adorable. She would get SO excited about it, and kept pointing to whatever was covered in it and exclaim "snow!!!" every time...Cute girl :) What a wonderful experience for her to have, and I'm looking forward to when we have maybe a few more inches for her to play in...Can anyone say snow angel?

Baby In The Oven

Nope, it's not what you think-I'm not pregnant. What I'm referring to is the fact that Tara thinks that there's a baby that lives in our oven...Let me explain:

Starting about a month or so ago, we noticed she would walk up to the glass window of the oven, and start jabbering away. She'd tell her little stories like she does, and then start laughing really hard. She acted as if she was telling the story to mommy or daddy! Then we noticed she would start making these little faces at "the baby in the oven", and then bust up laughing because the baby was copying her :) Then she would start trying to share her binky with the baby, which I thought was sweet. She's always tried to share her binky with her friends, and people she loves. So I thought it was adorable when I'd see her little outstretched hand, offering the binky to this very entertaining baby :)

What a goof...

Oh, another cute little thing I wanted to add-now whenever we go somewhere, whether it's an action packed trip to Wal Mart, or just a stroll down the street; upon returning home, she zooms straight over to the oven to tell her friend (in the oven) all about it! It's the first place she goes, and Sean and I will stand and watch her while she tells her little stories, narrating the day, complete with hand gestures and everything! I love that little girl...

LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE REAL GIRLS...

I was checking my email this afternoon, and came across an update about a blog I read. The author was incredibly candid about her frailties as a human, and was saying she felt like a fraud. As I read, I thought to myself "if this is considered fraud, every human should be arrested!" She's just a real mom, a professional, business owner, and NORMAL. Then I started to wonder how many women feel like frauds. I began to think to myself of how I feel like one every day, I started to question if my struggles are really so unique-or if they're the struggles of lots of women?

I'm not a business owner-but I think I want to be. Truth is, I'm 27 and still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. I have a lot of talents, but I also have a lot of fears about going back to school, because I don't think I'm smart enough to be successful at it. Most days I struggle with some dark thoughts because of it. I sometimes wonder if my husband would be happier with someone who also happens to have the same love of history, or something like that...


I'm also a mom, and I spend the majority of each day beating myself up because I don't think I'm a good one. I lose my patience more often than I want to, and never get over it when I do. There's sticky handprints all over our patio door because we have a toddler. Truth be told, I hate cleaning them up, and would rather leave them there because my daughter's hands won't be that tiny forever...

I love to cook, and enjoy it when it's a choice; but hate the pressure of knowing I have to cook because my family needs to eat. Most days I don't have the energy for meal planning, but do it anyway. I want to be one of those mom's who puts their heart and soul into lovingly preparing meals for their family, but I'm just not there yet.

I love the beauty of the outdoors, and have always felt renewed by spending some real time in the beauty that God has created for us. Yet most days it's harder than I thought it would be to take my daughter for a walk around the neighborhood. The times I do, we love it so much and are sad when it's over.

I'm approaching 30, have a little girl of my own; and so often miss Girl's Camp so much I could cry. I think it's because I felt SO incredibly close to my Heavenly Father at that time...I've become so lost in the day to day, that most days I forget who I am. I feel like just a wife. Just a mom. Just a dishwasher. I feel like I blend into the day to day activities, and my spirit gets washed down the drain along with the scraps of peanut butter sandwich and banana from lunch that my daughter never finished.





Most evenings after the baby goes to sleep, and the kitchen's cleaned; I wonder how much longer I can go before the scream gets loud enough for everyone else to hear.





I feel like who I used to be is still inside me, and she's screaming to get out and see daylight again.

She's the one who knew who she was, and where she belonged.

She's the one who had no fear, and went for what she wanted.

She's the one who had battled her entire life to be heard, and finally
won.

She's the one who had accepted her body, and loved what it could do.

She's the one who wanted to be in the spotlight, and had too many dreams
to count; and not enough time to accomplish them.

She's the one who thought she could change the world.

She's the one who never once doubted that she was a daughter of God, and
felt the power of that every moment of the day.

She's the one who never forgot how amazing a bubble bath could feel.

She's the one who thought she would compile her life experiences, and
publish at least a dozen books; and that those books would be sitting
on the shelves of everyone who's anyone.

She's the one who lived, and laughed without holding back.

She's the one who had more faith and conviction, than doubts and fears.

She's the one I liked more, and she's still in there. I just need to allow the dishes to wait sometimes, so that I can stop and make time for her. My daughter deserves to know her...My husband has been longing for her. And quite frankly-she was always better at dealing with days like today...

So I suppose I want to just admit something-I'm a real girl. I'm not perfect, nor do I want to be. Being perfect takes too much time away from the important things in life, like remembering who you really are. So right now, I begin my mission for being truly authentic. Sticky fingerprints included :)


I think they're worth it.

Mmm...

So this morning was, well...quite nice. Got to sleep in until around 7:40 (ish), which was nice. Then at 8:00 while Sean was off playing football with some of the guys from the ward, I got to take a shower while Tara watched a cartoon. Then I promptly got to work on the second loaf of banana bread for Brittany's baby shower today. I baked the first one at 1:00 this morning, but got too tired to bake the second. So the delicious smell of banana bread was wafting through the house this morning, and it smelled AMAZING. I love the smell of banana bread in the fall, it seems that the colors outside demand the smell of banana bread in every home...is it just me? They go hand in hand...Along with a mug of apple cider :) Mmm. Our house is so homey on mornings like this!